ARSENAL F.C.               

End of Season Dinner Dance

Starter

Egg on Face

Seasoned Hash

Frogs legs (past their best)

Spanish Surprise (well beaten)

Main Course

Humble Pie

Chump Chops

French (has) Beans

Manager's Beef (not rare)

Catch of the Day - (gutted)

NB: everything is imported, nothing is home grown.

Dessert

Sour Grapes (may be hard to swallow)

Fruitless Tarts

Raspberry Fools

Hard Cheese

Drinks

Bitter

Little Spirit

French Whine

Cabernet Empty 2008

Champagne - sorry none ordered

STRICTLY NO DOUBLES OR TREBLES

NB: drinks should be consumed from glasses as there will be no cups this year.

Guests are asked not to get HAMMERED

Guest speaker:

Steven Gerrard & Rafa Benitez - "What it's like to win the European Cup"

Please note that the club's European Tour for the season 2008-09 is not guaranteed.

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WIN 2 TICKETS ALL EXPENSES PAID INCLUDING AIR FARES
TO THE 2008 OLYMPIC GAMES IN BEIJING, CHINA.

To participate is very easy, just view the attached photo, correctly answer the following questions and send your answers to:
International Olympic Committee, Private Bag, Lausanne, Switzerland.

1. Which student seems to appear tired / sleepy ?
2. Which ones are male twins ?
3. Which ones are the female twins ?
4. How many women are in the group ?
5. Which one is the teacher ?

Good Luck !

I guess you are not going either.

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GOLF COURSE

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

"I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me.
So you must be on the 6th hole."

He thanked her and went back to his golf ball. On the back nine, the same thing happened
and he approached her again with the same request.

"I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course whenever she was in the area.

He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help.
I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?"

"I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh," she replied.

"No, I won't."

"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."

With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the bar stool.

"See," she said. "I knew you'd laugh!"

"That's not what I'm laughing at." he replied "I'm a salesman for suppositories,
so I'm still a hole behind you."

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Golf Club Sign

Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale, Arizona:

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.

2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.

3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!

4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.

5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.

6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.

7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.

8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.

9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.

10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

WELL DONE. NOW FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, & TEE OFF