SEXIST 6

Here's the story:

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset.

'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!'

And the husband replied: 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!' And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued -- 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, please...

Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use ?

Well that all sounds pretty reasonable to me, don't you think ?

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The Maid asks for an increase in pay from the Housewife she works for

The wife was very upset about this and asked:
'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'

Maria: 'Well, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you.'

Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'

Maria: 'Your husband said so.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'

Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you are a better cook than me?'

Maria: 'Your husband did.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'

Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'

Maria: 'No, the gardener did.'

SHE GOT THE RAISE !

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What Do You Do All Day ?

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food  boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding
into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys
and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a
small trickle
of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.  Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As
he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'

She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and
you ask me what in the world I do all day?'

'Yes,' was his incredulous reply. . . . . . . . . .

She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'

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ELEVEN PEOPLE ON A ROPE

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.

10 men and 1 woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that 1 had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping

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