SEXIST 4

HOUSEWORK 

Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set.

She was astonished! It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said, 'Wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex'.

 The night went very well. The next day, she told her office friends all about it.
'We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up the kitchen, helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away.
I really enjoyed the evening.'

But what about afterwards ?' asked her friends. 'Oh, that ..., Ralph was too tired..'

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WORTH BUYING ?

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free ?

 Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage,

 WHY? Because women realize
it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

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MEN ARE LIKE ............

1. Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the crap out of you.

2 Men are like. Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.


3. Men are like Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.


4. Men are like Blenders. You need One, but you're not quite sure why.


5. Men are like Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.


7. Men are like Department Stores. Their clothes are always 1/2 off.


8. Men are like ... Government Bonds. They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ... Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.



10. Men are like Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms . You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.


13. Men are like Parking Spots. All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

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A TYPICAL BLOKE

A typical bloke, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a holiday. He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?' She replies, 'I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank.'

'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.' 'Oh, this thing?' explains the woman. 'I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.'

'But, where did you get the tools?'

'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed.
I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.'

The guy is stunned.

'Let's row over to my place,' she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, 'It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please.
Would you like a drink?'

'No! No thank you,' he blurts out, still dazed.

'I can't take another drop of coconut juice.' 'It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman. 'I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?'

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet.'

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom.
There, in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'What next?'

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.

'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?'

She stares into his eyes ...

He swallows excitedly and tears start to form.....

'Kin' hell, don't tell me you've got Sky Sports?'

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