NATIONALITIES 5

Two Arabs boarded a Flight out of London.

One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.

Just before takeoff, a Royal Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said,
'I need to get up and get a coke.'

'Don't get up,' said the Marine, 'I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you.'

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marine's boot and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good: I'd really like one, too.'

Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marine's other boot and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back to enjoy the flight.

As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened. 'Why does it have to be this way?' he asked. 'How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?'

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THE WONGS

       

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.

The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wongs don't make a white, so I think we will name him...

Sum Ting Wong

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IRISH SOLUBLE VIAGRA

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to seek his help in reviving her husband's libido.

'What about trying Viagra? Asks the doctor.

'Not a chance,' she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an Irish Soluble Viagra. Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'

It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress.

 The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! 'Twas horrid. Just terrible doctor!.'

'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor?'

'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.
He jumped his self straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulgin' fiercely!

With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flyin', ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the table-top! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'

'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good'?

'Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed! 'Twas the best sex I've had in 50 years of marriage!
But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll niver be able to show me face in Starbucks again.'

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Walking Eagle

Prime Minister Stephan Harper was invited to address a major gathering of the Indian Nation last weekend in Kitimat, B.C. He spoke for almost an hour on his future plans for increasing every First Nation's present standard of living. He referred to his career, and how he had signed 'YES' - for every Indian issue that came to his desk for approval.

At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribe presented the Prime Minister with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud Harper then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they come to select the new name given to Harper. They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.

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The Contractor

Three contractors . . . One from Sri Lanka, another from Germany and the third from England are bidding to repair damaged armament equipment. A senior official takes them to examine the items

The English contractor does some measuring and calculations, then writes down some figures and says, "Well. I reckon the job will cost $30,000 . . . $20,000 for materials, $9,000 for labour and $1,000 profit for me."

The German contractor also does some measuring and figuring and then says, "I can do this job for $25,000, $18.000 for materials, $6,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

The Sri Lankan contractor doesn't measure or do any figuring, but leans over to the official and whispers: " $125,000."

The official incredulously says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys !
How did you come up with such a high figure ?"

"Easy," the Sri Lankan explains, "$50,000 for you, $50,000 for me and we hire the guy from Germany to do the work!"

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Fluctuations

A man who wanted to exchange dollars went to the currency exchange window at a
New York bank.

The person in front of him in the queue was a Asian lady who was trying to exchange
Yen for Dollars and she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, "Why it change ? Yesterday, I getta two hunta dolla fo yen.
Today I getta hunta eighty only ! Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations".

Annoyed, the Asian lady retorted "Fluc you white people, too !"

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