Japanese banking industry now in turmoil !

Following problems in the sub prime lending market in the States and its devastating effect on Northern Rock and Bear Stearns, uncertainty has now hit Japan.

In the last 7 days the famous Origami Bank has folded. Sumo Bank has gone belly up
and the Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song.
Today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose dived and 1000 staff at Karate Bank got the chop.

Analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it's feared customers may get a raw deal.

Authorities are concerned because the President and CEO of Hari Kari bank have not shown up for work.

I heard that Kamikazi bank may crash as well.

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Investment opportunity

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan isto drink heavily and recycle.
It is called the 401-Keg.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Makes you proud to be an American!

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TWO DIFFERENT DOCTORS' OFFICES IN AUSTRALIA

Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint.
Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment.

Then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist,
Then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week.
Finally has his surgery scheduled for a month from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.

The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.

Next time, take me to a vet!

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Swedish Twins - Motorway Chaos
Click on Play
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1739401.ece

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CHINESE SICK LEAVE

Hung Chow calls into work and says:

"Hey, I no come work today, I really sick, I got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt. I no come work."

The boss says - "I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.

"I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon ..... you got nice house."

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Paddy

Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally cut off all of his fingers.

He was rushed to the emergency room in Cork's hospital.

The doctor looked at Paddy and said,
'Let's be avin' da fingers and I'll see what oi can do for yer'.

Paddy said, 'Oi haven't got da fingers.'

'Whadda ya mean, you haven't got da fingers ? Lord tunderin' Jazus, it's 2008 !

We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new ! Why didn't ya bring da fingers ?'

Paddy replied, ' And how da hell was I 'sposed to pick dem up ?'

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NEW ZEALANDERS

Two Kiwis, Ian and Craig are walking down a street in Bondi. Ian happens to Look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye. The sign said 'Suits $10.00 each,
Shirts $4.00 each, Trousers $5.00 per pair.'

Ian says to his pal, ' Craig, look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and whin we get beck to In Zid, we could make a fortune. Now whin we go unto the Shop, you be quiet, okiy?

Just lit me do all the talking cause uf they hear our accint, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my bist Aussie eccint.'

'No worries, smiled Craig, I'll keep my mouth shut.'

They go in and Ian says, 'I'll take fufty suits et $10.00 each, 100 shirts et $4.00 each, And fufty pairs of trousers et $5.00 each. I'll beck up my truck and...'

The owner of the shop interrupts, 'You're from New Zealand, aren't you?'

'Well... Yis,' says a surprised Ian. 'How the hill dud you know thet?'

The owner says, 'This is a dry cleaners'

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EAST END CHARM

Two nicely dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait at Heathrow airport. The first lady was an arrogant woman from Chelsea in London who was married to a very wealthy man. The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the East End of London.

When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the Chelsea woman started by saying, 'When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me.'
The lady from London's East End commented, 'Well, isn't that precious?'

The first woman continued, 'When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz.. '

Again, the lady from London's East End commented, 'Well, isn't that precious?'

The first woman continued boasting, 'Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.'

Yet again, the East End lady commented, 'Well, isn't that precious?'

The first woman then asked her companion, 'What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?'

'My husband sent me to charm school,' declared the East End Lady.

'Charm school?' the first woman cried, 'Oh, my God! What on earth for?'

The East End lady replied, 'Well for example, instead of saying 'Who gives a shit?' I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that precious'...