Just so you know -
They're putting bollards up to stop cars ramming the sports bar ...
but what about their van ?

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IRISH MEDICAL DICTIONARY

Artery.............................. The study of paintings.

Bacteria............................ Back door to cafeteria.

Barium.............................. What doctors do when patients die.

Benign...............................What you be, after you be eight.

Caesarean Section...............A neighbourhood in Rome.

Catscan............................ Searching for Kitty.

Cauterise.......................... Made eye contact with her.

Colic................................ A sheep dog.

Coma............................... A punctuation mark.

Dilate............................... To live long.

Enema.............................. Not a friend.

Fester.............................. Quicker than someone else.

Fibula............................... A small lie.

Impotent........................... Distinguished, well known. Labour.

Pain..................................Getting hurt at work. Medical.

Staff.................................. A Doctor's cane.

Morbid............................... A higher offer.

Nitrates............................ Cheaper than day rates.

Node................................ I knew it.

Outpatient......................... A person who has fainted.

Pelvis............................... Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative................... A letter carrier.

Recovery Room................... Place to do upholstery.

Rectum............................. Nearly killed him.

Secretion.......................... Hiding something.

Seizure............................. Roman emperor.

Tablet.............................. A small table. Terminal.

Illness.............................. Getting sick at the airport.

Tumour.............................One plus one more.

Urine............................... Opposite of you're out.

2xCondoms........................To be sure, to be sure.

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PADDY THE ENTREPRENEUR

Paddy and Mick are walking down a street in London.

Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye.

The sign said "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair."

Paddy says to his pal, "Mick, look! We could buy a whole lot of dose and when we get back to Ireland, we could make a fortune.

Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear your accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best English accent."

"Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will." Says Mick.

They go in and Paddy says, "I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each
and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up my truck and..."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Ireland, aren't you?"

"Well ..... yes," says a surprised Paddy. "How der hell d'y'know dat?

The owner says, "This is a dry cleaners."