At The Doctors
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An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said,
"You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The Receptionist replied; "You've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with Doctor in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full strangers,
if the answer could embarrass anyone."

He walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"

"I can't pi** out of it," he replied.

**************

Dangerous foods

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.
The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realises the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

*********************

PASSION REVISITED

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we made love together, over fifty years ago?

 We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

 "Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

 "OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around back there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

 "Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks , I've got to see these two old timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.
So he follows them.

 The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the tavern and make their way to the fence.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious love making that the policeman has ever seen.

 This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

 The policeman is amazed He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

 After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

 The Policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing,
I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic love life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

 Shaking the old man is barely able to make his reply;
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence !!!"

********************

A LAST FLING

TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.

THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERED TO HER MANAGER, " GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE." THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.

AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, "YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!"   "DEAD?" SAYS HIS FRIEND, "WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.

"HIS FRIEND SAYS, "COULD HAVE BE WORSE. I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH."
"A WITCH, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW.