STUNNING SENIOR MOMENT

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

'You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one,' the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. 'The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with DSL, bsp; light-speed processing ....and,' pausing to take another drink of beer.

The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, 'You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young.....so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shit, what are you doing for the next generation?'

The applause was resounding...

I love senior citizens

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SENIOR PRIDE

Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.



One day Bill didn't show up.. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know exactly where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! -- there sat Bill!

Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, "For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?"

Bill replied, "I've been in jail."

"Jail?" cried Sam. "What in the world for?"

"Well," Bill said, "You know Alexis, that cute little blonde  waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?"

"Yeah," said Sam, "I remember her. What about her?"

"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me .. and at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty'."

"The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury."

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MEDICARE

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,"Hello."

"Mrs. Perera, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Perera, this is Doctor Bamunusinghe at Neworld Hospital.
When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr.Perera arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband.
Frankly, either way the results are not too good."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Perera asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one
tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."

"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Perera.

"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

"Oh gosh, , what am I supposed to do now?"

"Well--- I recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of Colombo.
If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

All about a rake..

I was working in the garden this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower.
I realised that I couldn't find the rake.. so I yelled up to my wife, 'Where is the rake?'

She couldn't hear me and she shouted back, 'What?'

I pointed to my eye, and then I pointed to my knee and made a raking motion.

Then my wife wasn't sure and said 'What?'

I repeated the gestures. 'Eye - Kneed - The Rake'

My wife replied that she understood and signalled back. She first pointed to her eye, next to her left breast, then she pointed to her backside and finally to her crotch.

Well, there is no way in hell I could even come close to that one.

Exasperated, I went upstairs and asked her, 'What the hell was that ?'

She replied,

'Eye - Left Tit - Behind - The Bush' !!!!

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DIPLOMACY ?

An elderly gent was invited to an old friends' home for dinner one evening.

He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

The couple had been married almost 70 years and clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names.'

The old man hung his head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' he said, 'Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!'

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BABY BOOMERS - US STYLE

Click the Link
www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-walt-babyboomers-blurb,0,1036393.blurb