'Scottish Style'

Scotsman goes into a brothel in Amsterdam one night and finds himself a prostitute.
He asks her, 'How much do yee charrrge forrrr an hourrr?'

'$100,' she replies.

So he asks, 'Okay, do yee do Scottish style?'

She says 'No!'

He then asks her, 'I'll pay you $200 to do it Scottish style?'

She then says no, not knowing what Scottish style was!

So he then offers her $300. Again she declines his offer.

So finally he says, 'I'll give yee $500 to go Scottish style with me!'

Finally she agrees thinking, 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now, I've been there and done that, had every kind of request from weirdo's from every corner of the world.
How bad could Scottish style be?'

So she goes ahead and has sex with him, doing it in every kind of way and in every possible position. Finally, after several intense hours they finish.

Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, 'That was fantastic. I've never enjoyed it so much. But I was expecting something perverted and disgusting.
Where does the 'Scottish style' come in?'

The Scotsman replies... 'I'll pay yee next week.'





An Oldie but a Goodie

Dear Penis


A Man escapes from Prison where he has been for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers to his wife, "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry,
he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thinks you're cute and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you, too."




Senior Fishing

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation
and discovered that they both loved to fish.

Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.

The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,
"Do you want to go up or down?"

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man,
right there in the boat !

When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced
the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork
in the river. He again asked the lady, "Up or down ?"

There she went again, stripped off her clothes and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in
the river and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down ?"

The woman replied, "Down."

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon
another fork in the river and he asked the lady, "Up or down ?"

She replied, "Up." this really confused the gentleman so he asked, "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me.
Now today, nothing!"

She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were
fu*k or drown."

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