SEXIST 9

Beer contains Female Hormones


Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.


Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer
contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women
.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.


It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects :


1) Argued over nothing.

2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.


3) Gained weight.

4) Talked excessively without making sense.

5) Became overly emotional.

6) Couldn't drive.

7) Failed to think rationally.

8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.

Pass this to the men you know to warn them about drinking too much beer!

***********************

Telepathic Watch

A very handsome and even more confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and can't help but ask, "Is your date running late?

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The woman is intrigued and asks, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it? "It uses alpha waves to talk telepathically to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now? "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.

"The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!

"The man taps on the face of the watch and explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

**********************

JACK'S HANGOVER

Jack woke up with a killer hangover after attending his firm's Christmas Party.

He didn't even remember how he got home. It's 8.30. What day is it? Thursday...... His wife must have gone to work.

As he struggled into consciousness through the fog of a pounding headache, his stomach plummeted as he wondered what the hell he did last night.

He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a little vase of sweet peas, freshly picked from the garden.

He sat up. The bedroom was clean and tidy, - there was no trail of drunkenly abandoned clothes, fresh air was coming in through the window and all was serene. He stumbled to the bathroom, also pristine, and, squinting gingerly into the mirror, saw that he had a black eye. This was not a good sign, but no memories were returning.

As he concentrated hard on getting the world into focus, he saw a post-it note stuck on the corner of the mirror. It was written in red, with little hearts on it and a kiss from his wife.

'I'll ring your office and tell them you won't be in today. Breakfast is in the oven. Try to eat something and go back to bed for the morning. There's snooker on TV this afternoon. Take it easy today, hope your eye doesn't hurt too much. See you tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian. x '

He stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the newspaper. His teenaged son was sitting at the table, eating.

Jack, bracing himself, asked his son what happened the previous night.

' Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. '

Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order, aspirins by the bed, a nice note from Mum and breakfast waiting for me?'

His son replied, 'Oh THAT!... Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed,

'Leave me alone you slapper, I'm married!!'

Broken Coffee Table 250
Hot Breakfast 3.50
Two Aspirins 20p
Saying the right thing, at the right time......PRICELESS

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