Quotes 9

                               Best 'Out of Office' Automatic Email Replies:

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over...)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Steve .

***************

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~
"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered..
But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog:
"No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- - Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books.. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife , you'll become happy;
if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

-- Groucho Marx

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap.
-- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things the fish do in it.
-- W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
-- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older,
it will avoid you.
-- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty , but everything else starts to wear out, fall out or spread out.
-- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal

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